Tag: college

  • Advice for Recent College Graduates

    Congratulations, 2017 college graduates! [and high school graduates and all the other graduates but this post is specifically for college grads] It’s been a long journey for all of you, and I know you just want to rest, and you might already have a dozen people lined up to give you advice. But if you don’t, here’s mine:

    1. Take a f^cking break. You’re probably exhausted from running on fumes writing shitty papers and teaching yourself advanced math for the past 4+ years. Get outside and remember the smell of strawberries, Mr. Frodo.
    2. Get a student job. Not a career job, not a job that requires 3 years of experience (which you won’t have) and willingness to stay at the company for at least one year (you won’t have this either). NO. Get a college student job. Like a barista or a waitress or take a job with a temp agency. Anything temporary that you don’t have to make a lasting commitment to because…
    3. You need to TRAVEL. Where are you, the USA? Take a trip to Canada or Mexico, whichever’s closest. Never been to NYC? Go there. Never been to NOLA? Go there. Are you in Auckland, New Zealand but haven’t been to the south island? GO THERE! Go somewhere you’ve never been before. I suggest traveling solo because you’ll learn a lot more about yourself and the world this way. You’ll find everything you need to know about travel at NomadicMatt.com.
    4. Avoid career traps. You know how one of your parents, or an aunt or uncle is trapped in their cubicle job? That’s going to be you. If you’re in the USA, you’re supposed to get a career job right out of college with a big company whose CEO has never heard of you. Or, you can run the other way into the arms of a small company who will watch you grow and help you achieve your ultimate goals. This is starting to sound like advice for myself…
    5. READ A BOOK because now you have time! Were you supposed to read Lord of the Flies by William Golding in high school but used spark notes instead? Read it now. Or read something super fun.
    6. Learn more Spanish. Sorry, that one’s for me. But if you don’t know any Spanish and you live in the United States, you better hit up duolingo right now. I’m sure you already know 30 Spanish words, but learn 30 more. Take your new knowledge across the border. If you’re fluent in Spanish, learn Mandarin Chinese. If you’re fluent in Mandarin as well, you’re cooler than the rest of us so stop reading advice blogs.
    7. Finish that project. You know, THAT project.
    8. One more thing. Don’t spend all your free time seeking advice and taking dozens of personality quizzes online. You can’t know who you are by reading. You have to do something. Make something, go somewhere, put yourself in a position that requires decisions. You know enough about yourself In Theory. You need to know about yourself In Practice.
    9. That’s it. Leave me now, I must rest.
  • College

    College

    The buttons on my blender told me
    Crush. Grind. Pulverize.
    I stuck my mind in and pressed all three.

    I left the lid off, can you imagine
    the kitchen ceiling?
    My clothes splattered with essays

    Essays splattered with me
    My roommates gave me the short straw
    and told me to suck it up.

    Remember in elementary when health teachers
    stuck coffee straws in your lips and said
    “that’s what it’s like to be a smoker”?

    Then you went to recess for the black lungs
    and mourned the loss of their monkey bar callouses.
    You hoped they could make it up the stairs.

    Then you went to college and wished you were still
    the swinging champion of your grade school
    but every time you test it, voltage shakes your ankles

    When you die they’re gonna put you on a big ole sling shot
    They’re gonna pull you back, aim
    and shoot your body into quicksand

    where you will sink and drown. It will be so shitty
    that the lightning buildup in your legs will flip the switch to your brain
    You’ll open your eyes (you dummy!) and kick your feet

    like a dolphin you’ll shoot straight up from the surface.
    Summer air will suck the sand from your nostrils like sugar,
    and a classmate will ask for an extra pencil.